Matalan Uniform

1. They’re horribly upset they didn’t get into the Recorder After School Club

2. But they then forget to tell you they’re one of the class Eco Warriors until they’re about to go to sleep, several hours later

3. They can’t tell you what they’ve done each day

4. Until they’re sat with a friend from another school and they’re comparing their days

5. They ask on a Tuesday “is it the weekend yet?” and their shoulders slump in defeat when they find out it isn’t.

6. They will ask you questions like “is it true that people dig up their pets when they bury them in the garden and they move house?” and you wonder what on EARTH they’ve learnt that day. (another child took in a cat skull)

7. You start getting invites to playdates and for tea again after a REALLY quiet summer (apart from going to Australia).

8. Your child doesn’t stop singing ‘Let It Go’ for most of the time wherever she is, but refuses to sign up for choir as she’s scared of singing.

9. While waiting with the other parents, you’re hopeful the classroom doors will open first for collecting your child, but yet again they’re last!

10. You’re already planning ahead for when the class toy comes home for the weekend, so you are doing the most boring things possible so we don’t all try to outdo each other. We’re going to out-boring each other.

11. Home Learning is fun! As is reading, more reading, Bug Club, more Bug Club, sleeping and eating chocolate.

12. They talk in a silly voice and you realise that ALL five year olds she hangs out with have the same silly voice, like it’s an unwritten law of being at school together.

13. You get a bazillion After School Club offers and they’re all on days you have activities, especially Monday. Also, you get more club offers in a week than in Reception for a whole year. Not that I’m complaining.

14. Your child’s uniform has suddenly got smaller. Much smaller. Like 2cm around the bottom of the trousers smaller.

15. The commute to work is full of other people’s children again and you can’t get a seat.

16. You start talking about The Golden Rules again.

17. Your diary suddenly gets full of dates, most of which you can’t actually get to.

18. You get a letter informing you of a meeting two working days later which again you can’t get to.

19. You vow not to get too excited every time your child goes up a book band, and within a week they do and you get too excited and plaster it all over Facebook.

20. At 2.10 you leave work, horribly excited to see your child again and spend a bit of time with them. That’s my favourite bit of all.

21. You realise it is only a year before you need to put in an application for Junior School. Annoying.