My back has gone again. In what must be a record year with the amount I’m spending on Osteopaths, I coughed on Friday at work and the pain started.

The sensible thing to do here is call the Osteopath, but I didn’t, not recognising the signs.

H is five. She is a constant energy, a singing, dancing, drawing, writing little energy. When my back hurts I can’t deal with noise, things overload. I had to cuddle her many times this weekend and say “it’s me, not you” as the pain came and went.

I’ve been ashamed of having it, but I have Private Health Cover through work. Today I called the 24 hour nurse for the first time. I told her about my additional L6 vertebra and got an “ooooohh!” as it is quite rare. My cover doesn’t allow me anything disc-related to my back, but this L6 problem isn’t that. I may be covered. The nurse was so nice I pretty much cried down the phone to her.

After that it’s putting on a brave face for H. Who had decided to read ‘My Naughty Little Sister’ on my half of my bed which I desperately needed to lie down on. She got out the loom bands after that and it was more of the TOO MUCH overload – I needed cuddles and quiet. She drew me some pictures telling me she loves me. I apologised for being rubbish and not much fun.

She went downstairs to create more chaos while I buried my head in Shaun’s shoulder and had a proper cry. It didn’t help.

Shaun did everything today while I got onto the computer, finding an Osteo open until 6pm on a Sunday. Result! Except she’s in New York. Till Tuesday. Arse.

I got an appointment with new Osteo tomorrow. I must be pain free tomorrow. I need to go to my GP and get referred to a specialist. Everything I’m doing, everything I’m paying for is the right thing. There are just blips. Three in six months in this case.

In the back of my head lives the fact Polystyrene died from cancer in her back. Add my family history and I’m worried, probably needlessly so. Regardless, I went to hospital to talk to the bowel cancer doctors and am now almost top of the list to have a colonoscopy. Onwards. Bloody terrifying. Better call and make that appointment too.

But if I get answers and I’m just badly built, I can live with that. I just need to get stronger (week 3 of no sense of smell has commenced) and better.

Right now though, I just feel so tired. If I time the codeine linctus right I can get three hours sleep before waking around 2am to get comfy. After that I get another three hours which helps.

Then I’m woken by my bundle of energy for cuddles and to be told she loves me. That’s the best medicine of all, so I cuddle her. Lying on my back sets the coughing off again and I sob into my Olbas Oil pillow which means nothing to me as I can’t smell it anyway.

This cold is completely crap.