There are two things – two significant things – which I think define me and who I am and where I am today.
The first was my problems with my back. When I was unable to walk properly for a long period of time until I found out that I had twisted my pelvis. Things are fine now, though it’s something I’m always aware of – the slightest twinge and I stop and take a step back so I don’t end up back there.
The second is the carbon monoxide leak we had in our old house. It’s something which I often think about. When did it all start? How bad was it? Has it affected my memory for life or actually is this just full on perimenopausal brain fog? Or was it both for an even deadlier concoction of forgetfulness?
So now I do a lot of walking. I live in a new build with regular gas safety checks. I try to keep myself fit and healthy. But it still niggles.
Forgetting everything is weird. I mean, play me a song from the eighties and I remember every single word like it was in the Top 10 yesterday. Send me an invite to an event and unless it is via email or Facebook invite, there’s a very good chance I won’t remember when it is, or which calendar I’ve put it in. I’ve remembered birthdays by the skin of my teeth, of late.
It’s not like me at all. It makes me wonder if this is a knock on from what happened. I can re-tell the story again and again (and I will be this September), all the signs we missed and how we put up with it for so long. Maybe it’s the way I insist on sending H to school, the same way I insist on dragging myself into work when I don’t feel 100%.
I have to write everything down because otherwise I’ll forget. It’s like an extension of a diary. It has even got to the stage I’m looking at photos and wondering who took it as I don’t remember taking it. Must be menopause, right? I started reading this. Interesting.
I should offer myself as a human guinea pig for memory loss. Or maybe not. I’ll forget I’ve written that.
There are plenty of other things which define me, but I feel like those two are what set paths in my life which took it off the regular route it was going on, throwing in some of the most difficult obstacles I’ve come across.