I’m sick of not being able to tell anyone I’m pregnant. Every afternoon the familiar abdominal aches start and I’m in pain. Sometimes it’s bad enough to need a paracetamol, other times it’s just a case of sitting in the right position.
Also, my hearing is declining – quite drastically. I can’t hear people who talk softly. Yesterday Jo and Greg had a conversation, and I couldn’t hear a word (not that I was really listening, but had I wanted to, I’d not be able to work it out at all). There’s only two people at work who know, and both are male. One, thank god, sits near me and knows and is thoughtful about it, and I can laugh with him, and just generally I’m glad he’s there, the other is my boss who is also being excellent about it. But oh, I’m sat in the middle of four speakers, and hate it when the music is cranked up, I just want to cry, as everyone has normal hearing, and everyone forgets that I don’t – and nobody knows it’s even worse than usual at the moment anyway. Add to that not being able to hear things properly, and I’m stuck in the middle of a group of happy people all laughing and joking, and I feel miserable as sin and incredibly isolated. When it’s completely quiet, it’s like everything is fine again, but once there’s music, I can’t hear a thing.
Oh woe is me.
I’m fine though, really. Once I get home I can relax, get into my pyjamas and not have those little aches. Three and a bit weeks and I’ll be able to tell people I’m pregnant, and maybe things might improve. Who knows…
So yes, I’m finding work pretty unbearable at the moment. Oh, and let’s not mention the incense sticks which get burnt next door, which make me want to puke. Really, truly, I just want to cry, I can’t make a fuss, as they’ll just think I’m fussy and wont understand, and I wont be able to keep it up for another three weeks, but also, I don’t know how much more of this I can bear. (fyi, the incense sticks are necessary, as they have a stinky drain smell which occurs from time to time, so it’s pretty unbearable in there, I just wish the incense didn’t make it’s way towards me)
3 weeks and 5 days to the scan. Bloody hell.
Oh, and the little abdominal aches are normal. Either that area growing, or constipation. So I’m not worried about that one bit, I just wish I could tell people. But I can’t, and I wont. That’s my choice. Easier to tell when I know things are okay.