Okay, my advice. Close your eyes tightly. Wear earplugs. Stay in bed. Pretend it isn’t there and it’s the same day as any other. That way you’ll spend as much as you normally do, drink as much as you’d normally drink, and eat as much as you’d normally eat.

You cannot, however, rely on takeaways. They’re all (or mostly) closed. See also : pubs.

Also, avoid BBC1. Eastenders will be on too many times (quite frankly, once during the day is bad enough). Having said that, there may be some interesting Disney fluff which is always fun, unless you’ve already got it on DVD.

So there you have it. Christmas on a budget. Oh, and buy your presents on Boxing Day – they’ll be half price.

Bah, Humbug!