Yesterday was Blogfest, the Mumsnet Blogging conference. I really enjoyed it last year and was really looking forward to this years – and it didn’t disappoint.

I won’t go into who I saw and what I gained too much as I’m sure it’ll be done everywhere by everyone who went, but the overwhelming message which came out of it was about inner confidence, and a real “you can do it” attitude – and if you can’t do it but want to do it, pretend you can.

It was a really positive experience – and it has made me feel like I can do better – sometimes I need to take my time. I’m not a naturally funny person but I have a good sense of humour, and it’s getting those funny things down. If they don’t feel right, come back to it a day or so later.

When situations in life come up (and there was a fairly big one recently which I turned down and haven’t even spoken to Shaun about), why not give it a go? I didn’t because it didn’t feel right and I didn’t feel worthy – but actually, maybe I should have. That opportunity may never happen again, and that’s okay – my decision may have been the right one. I can’t change the past, but I can help change my future, and our future.

When I sit saying that I know I’m no good at exams (and I really am not) I need to stop believing it – I’m about to sit the YouTube exam I failed twice last year in the next week or so, and I will pass it this time. I will do it this time and I won’t get nervous and worked up and forget everything.

This wasn’t really exactly what Blogfest said, but there were some incredibly inspiring people who have made me think. The Think Bombs section was amazing – Camilla Batmanghelidjh was so warm and inspiring, asking us to take a step back and think of everyone. Francesca Martinez made me nearly cry with her talk. Suzanne Moore just got on with it.

There is no point having this downer on yourself. Life is out there to be lived and made the most of. I’ve felt like I’ve walked around with a big grey cloud over my head – I’m constantly spoken over or ignored in many situations to the point I’m so incredibly sensitive about it I’d rather remove myself from situations than go through them again – understandably. It even happened yesterday!

But that’s not my fault, it’s the other people’s failings (or maybe they just think I’m boring, that’s fine, just don’t be so obvious, okay? I am very good at leaving people alone). I’m sensitive to it as it has happened many times. But it’s time to be strong and stick two fingers up at it. Surround yourself with people who DO care.

How does this then transfer to blogging? That’s tricky. I’m conscious I could sound ‘braggy’ with things I say or do, but this is my space, and if I didn’t say something I would forget – life moves so fast. I’m not apologising for it – that’s just how it is.

I came out of Blogfest, much like last year, knowing where I need to change – I am who I am, and this is my style of blogging – I’ve tried to be factual but just slip into this style, so this is my way. If you like it, subscribe to it, read it, comment, share or whatever, then thank you. This is all for me, a record of our lives, especially as H gets older and will get more sensitive about things being on the internet about her, the focus of the blog will change. It might not go on forever, then again it might.

Oh, and the other big thing from Blogfest – my back survived! I don’t think anyone will realise how big a deal that was for me. I met people and was happy – I wasn’t zonked out on painkillers wondering where I was. I met so many lovely people. Special mentions go to Sonya, Joanne and Clare – and a very happy special mention to Lou Kuenzler who was there – H loves her Shrinking Violet books, and it was so nice to meet her.

I’ll definitely be back next year.