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In further tales of bad parenting, we’ve been teaching H to shake hands – but being very naughty with it, and at the point your hands are set to make contact to seal the deal, swiping your hand away, putting your thumb on your nose and wiggling your fingers in a slightly cheeky manner.

Obviously this is hilarious and can be repeated several times and remains funny.

So tonight I decided a new tack in my quest to make H stay in her bed as it’s getting beyond a joke now – she’s awake almost every other night around 3.30-4am, shouting for us or getting out of bed for a cuddle – then by morning she’s fast asleep refusing to get out of bed as “I’m tired…” (oh I wonder why…) apart from at weekends when she’ll grace us with her presence at 6.30 on the dot, wide awake. Someone tell me that’s not fair.

(please)

I challenge her to a game. She responds to challenges, we’ll see how we go. We’re all going to see who can stay in bed the longest tonight. Obviously to egg her on a bit I’ve said how I’m going to win, as I don’t like getting out of bed in the night. Shaun also went along with it, again telling H how he was going to win. It worked a treat – “NO! I’m going to stay in bed the longest tonight!”

Cue two slightly desperate, very tired parents hoping that she bloody well does. I don’t want to make everything she does a challenge to get them done (yes, I’ll often ‘race her to the toilet’ on a morning to get her out of bed which works), but slightly desperate times need fairly desperate measures.

If this works then maybe everything can be one big race to get things done? Obviously I’ll be exhausted, but hey, I might have a bit more time. Can’t argue with that.

Anyway, the hand shaking thing. I bet her 5p, completely forgetting the tricks we’ve done all this time with handshakes. I hold out my hand “I bet you 5p you can’t!” I challenge.

H starts to put her hand out, the biggest grin appears and she draws her hand away to then wiggle it on her nose. I believe my daughter has just hoisted me by my own petard.