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Our phone hardly ever rings. It’s usually just my mum, but it was too early in the afternoon for her. So I picked it up. Maybe it was an emergency?
“Hello Madam!” said the voice down the phone. “We’re calling as we have a record this number has had a car accident on it recently”

Now, common sense says there’s NO WAY they can trace an accident on your phone number, but you know, I was a bit bored, and occasionally I have a sense of humour so I didn’t put the phone down on him.

“AH! Yes! You’re right! There was a crash!” I confirmed slightly excitedly, my plan forming before I had time to think it out.

The chap on the end of the phone sounded quite excited by this point. He asked me some questions.
“How long ago was it, madam?”. I confirmed it was a week or so ago.

“My daughter was playing with two cars made from Lego, and they bumped into each other” I said, stifling a giggle and expecting a big swear from the man, or that he’d just put the phone down on me. Instead I got an “Excuse me?” kind of tone. He sounded confused.

“Were there many people in the car please madam?” I confirmed the car had four Lego people in it, and they were all quite damaged, while trying not to laugh too much, though the giggles were rising up and it was getting much harder. He’s going to stop this call any time now, I thought.

But no.

“One moment please madam, I’m going to refer you to my supervisor”
The supervisor GRABBED the phone. You could almost feel the pound signs coming out of the earpiece bashing him on the head or something.

“Madam! I hear you’ve had a crash!” and he asked me the same questions all over again, to which I reply with exactly the same answers. By now I was spluttering with laughter at the ridiculousness of it. I mean, truly, I am describing a crash my daughter had when she was playing, with two cars made out of Lego, and her Lego people got a bit damaged in the process. But they seem to like it.

But at this point it’s no good. It’s too funny. It’s the most ridiculous spam call I’ve had in my life. I can no longer hold it together and I have to tell them I can’t do this any more.

“Look, there is no crash. Have you not heard of Lego? These people were 2cm tall! We rebuilt them. Nobody is hurt. I know you’re a scammy spammy kind of place, and I felt sorry for you. But it’s not real. I’m sorry, but this is making me laugh way too much. Goodbye”

and I put the phone down on them. I think this may become a new pastime of mine, engage the spammer in pointless talk so they feel better about themselves.