The Last Wednesday

I had the School drop off done and all that was left was to tie up the loose ends, the things you can’t do when there’s two of you. Like dropping things off at future childminders and catching up. Like going into the village to get one final haircut on your own before it becomes something that’s done around childcare and eats into your evening.

As I walked around on my own, something struck me. The mums are still there, pushing around their babies in their buggies as is the case around here. H’s age group are so old – while the young ones are so little. We’re no longer one of the young ones, we’re now the older kids. We’re the more boisterous ones, the ones that laugh too loudly and wake up the little ones from their daytime naps.

School is now a routine, something we’ve settled into. There’ll be hiccups but now the gulf is there – that big space between nursery and school opened wide up. How children three weeks younger ‘are still at nursery’ but you’re ‘at school’ and you feel so much bigger and more grown up about it. How slowly you’re forgetting the names of children you grew up with as you make new friends; that I’m sad about.

How you think you know it all now you’re at school but I know you’ve a lot to learn, but you’re a smart kid and you’ll be fine. You think you know it all and I’m not going to crush those dreams, just don’t let everyone else in on it, okay?

When we ventured out as a two on our last Wednesday together, we arrived at Soft Play and I saw how old you really are – over the space of four weeks you really are a lot older than the other kids. Heading to swimming and you don’t seem or act like the young unsure one any more. You’re one of the group now and just get on with it.

When we all went to a cafe and you sat playing noughts and crosses happily with your best friend while us mums sat and drank coffee for one last time on the last Wednesday.

One last play in the park on a Wednesday. We won’t lose that one though – with my shorter days it should be possible. The old routine is gone, to be replaced by all the other kids growing up locally following in your footsteps, the same ones you followed that belonged to someone else.

I’m mourning our last Wednesday, and craving half term when we can all spend some time together. It’s only five and a half weeks away. I’m counting down every day.

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