Yes, you.

There are some odd people out there – I sit next to them almost every day. Not intentionally, it’s just weird all odd (myself included).

Take for example, the person who sits on the packed train, in the seat next to the aisle. Their bag hasn’t taken the other seat, it’s just empty. So you ask them nicely to stand so you can sit, and they do. Your first thought is that maybe they’re getting off a few stops before you, but no – they stay on until the end of the line – so yet again you ask them (nicely) to move so you can get out. See also – buses.

The person who gives their bags a seat. Bonus point if you fall asleep too like the lady on the train tonight. The last carriage is always packed out until Norbury when most people get off, but until then, seats are a premium. I’m pretty sure bags don’t have travelcards, though am willing to be proved wrong.

The person who wants to read the paper – but doesn’t fold it over, so you’re now encroaching on MY personal space (this is particularly bad on a two seater, though three seater you can kind of squirm onto the next person on your other side). On the plus side I get to read over your shoulder – or rather, directly in front of me. Those freebie papers are much improved though still bad when space is limited.

That sinking feeling when you’ve waited the longest at the point the doors open, knowing there’ll be one or two seats available as your train pulls in, and you spot a ‘Baby On Board’ badge so the lady gets the seat. This, I believe is karma. I say this as when I wore my badge when I was pregnant I’d often find the entire carriage would ignore me (while Shaun would mutter at the top of his voice how he couldn’t believe nobody could spot his pregnant wife). I think I was actually more embarrassed about that. Somewhere my good karma will be repaid back to me. I’m patient. (and would like to design a ‘I’ve got a disc problem’ badge for anyone who might think I don’t need a seat)

The ones who fall asleep. They’re just generally funny though, especially the ones who snore and the ones who eat in their sleep. They’re not so funny if they land on your shoulder though and it’s before Norbury.

The drunken ones who like shouting – especially at nothing. Don’t whatever you do catch their eye. I did once. The woman screeched “IT WAS YOU! YOU DID IT! YOU!” while the entire carriage looked at me trying to work out what I’d done. I think I’m innocent.

The person playing some kind of earworm on their mobile device without headphones. The only exception to this is the chap who played all my favourite indie songs one morning on the top deck of the bus and cheered me up immensely. See also – ringtones. Only Greg at work has the world’s most acceptable ringtone. (it’s brilliant)

Those are the ones that come to mind – how about you? Got any annoying public transport people you’d like to moan about? Moan away… there’s space.