Oh god, I’ve tons to write. So instead, I’ll do a quick list.

1. Zammo style “what the drugs I had were like” from two weeks ago (I remember them all well)
2. The surreal moment
3. Projectile poo
4. Baby sick in my cleavage
5. There is no dignity in giving birth
6. How come babies always know to wee once the clean nappy isn’t quite in place?
7. How come when having the aforementioned nappy change, it brings out the worst, most painful screaming of all?
8. When do you realise the difference between a trapped wind cry and an I want food cry?
9. It’s definitely not wind, she is smiling.
10. Baby sick on my jeans, I couldn’t give a damn.
11. Whose nappies are best? Tesco, right now.
12. Who’d have thought ‘Old McDonald’ was so effective? Especially sung badly.
13. That moment when your breasts fill up and the pain is just unbearable, though it’s nowhere near as bad as a contraction.
14. Tomorrow I’m walking to the Post Office
15. Where do all the hours go?
16. After being denied chocolate for so long due to diabetes, to then find out it could have been the cause of projectile poo is also a little disappointing.

I think that’ll do.