Yesterday was H’s nursery Christmas do – it was really nice, and if you take away the bits which annoyed me it was fun. H was a bit confused with me turning up at 2.30 and kept asking for her coat, and telling me how she wanted to go home, and sometimes was really sad and teary and wanted to sit on my knee (also not helped with a short nap, but I’m not blaming anyone, and she did have fun quite a lot of the time). The girls who work there were all lovely with H when she was upset, tickling her and getting her to forget she felt sad or tired where I failed (and all she wanted was a cuddle from mummy).
But there were bits that annoyed me, and it’s me, it’s not them. The other parents. I knew a few mums from birthday parties and so on, and made polite conversation, not in the kind of ‘I-want-to-be-your-best-friend-forever’ kind of way, but more the “Hi, nice to see you” way… but I was greeted with smiles and not much back… and eventually I took a step back from it all, and watched. Most mums live near each other, their kids will probably go to the same schools. Us? We’re not part of that crowd, and so while I wouldn’t say we were unwelcome, we’re not a part of it – and it’s difficult. See, I’ve spent all this time worrying about H and will she have friends when she starts school in a year and a half, and yes yes yes, of course she will – actually, is the problem me? I wont know any other parents, possibly – we’ve sent her to a nursery (where she’s extremely happy) on the wrong side of town? Have we made a horrible mistake?
Of course we’ll make friends, but a lot of friendships are already established by the time school comes along, aren’t they? Are we the outsiders?
I have my lovely mum friends, but we’re all slowly drifting apart – they’ll tend to meet and I’ll find out a few days later, having not been invited/included… so yes, it’s me and I’m going to pick myself up, dust myself down and do my very best to make more friends so I don’t feel like we’re quite so alone. It’s never too late to start again – a new year, a new start.