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Just over a year ago I was tempted away from Vodafone. You offered me an attractive phone at an unbeatable price (£5 for the first year, unlimited internet, unlimited texts, £10 for the second year) with fabulous cashback and I took it, I snapped it up.

I left Vodafone a year later when my contract ended and that was it, you and me, we were alone together. Gone were the weird Vodafone-isms of topless models and Manchester United, neither of which appeal to a 40-something mother, and instead was a phone that cost me next to nothing and seemed to do everything I wanted it to.

Of course, things went wrong. They always do – even with the best love affairs.

I ran out of storage on my phone. Not the end of the world, as I know I can buy a new SD card which will help, though I was a bit narked at Sony Ericsson to change the size of it so I couldn’t use an old one. That’s not your fault though, but since I started to look you’ve been taunting me.

See, I get phone calls from you. For around three months I kept missing the calls – you’d ring off just as I got to my phone. Eventually I’d get to talk to you, and you’d offer me the world. Discounts, money back, everything.

I mean, you may as well have asked me if I wanted a new phone. You didn’t though. I was a bit confused. We’d only been having our love affair for a year or so, and I’ve still a year before my contract runs out. Why are you offering me these things? I can’t change, can I?

So every time you phone and offer me over £200 of goodies, and then promise to look into my account and you’ll call me back, you never do. EVER. I feel spurned, T-Mobile. Spurned. You taunt me in just to throw it back at me.

One day T-Mobile, you and me will be happy, but right now I’m not. I’d love a new phone, and every time the person on the other end makes me think it might be possible, even though I know it’s not. I never get that call back, and while my life hasn’t gone on hold waiting for it, it’d be nice to get a call to tell me you were wrong, and that I can have some proper love next June when we really can talk.

Instead, for now, let’s just promise to keep away from each other a bit. That is unless you’re offering me a 4G iPhone or something, of course and then I’m all ears.

Much love

me
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p.s. don’t call in the next hour. Extreme Couponing is on.