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It has been a while since I’ve written you a letter online. One you’ll maybe never read. That’s okay, as these days all I have to do is type on the computer and you read every single word and ask me why I’m telling someone that – and you’re right, why am I?

You are doing me so proud, my little girl. So very very proud. Tonight we should have had football but I knew you weren’t happy, and to be honest, I quite fancied a week off too. But I knew you weren’t happy as your friends weren’t there any more.

I don’t like seeing you cry when you get overwhelmed by something. I know how capable you are of doing things and that you get there – but that you’re still a little girl and it takes a lot of courage to do things. I know it will come. When it was register time at Rainbows and you clammed up and cried, I felt so much for you. I know things will be okay.

But I have to push you that little bit, as this is life now – pushing you that little bit more beyond your comfort zone, but making sure you know I’m always here for you. Because I am. Even when I’m not actually there, I’m here. Because that’s the unwritten, unspoken rule. We just are.

Every morning I tell you I love you, and every evening I do the same. We cuddle, we’re happy and every day faces new challenges – be they angry ones, happy ones, silly ones, sad ones. Every day stays unpredictable and fun and I love being around you as you grow and learn and become even more aware of everything around you, especially now words are a part of everything.

You will still do your homework though. Oh yes, no getting out of that. You might think I’m a soft touch after a cuddle and being told how lovely I am, but the work still needs to be done. I’m going to make sure you don’t think of homework the same way I did – something I grew to hate doing. I want it to be fun and something we can talk about.

Last month a whole new world opened up for you when we went to Australia. You met your Great Nanna, your Nanna and Pop, plus many uncles, aunties and cousins you don’t remember. Seeing this world open up and how welcomed you were to the family (not that we expected anything else) has changed a lot of things for daddy and I. But we haven’t made any plans. But it has changed things.

You coped with the travelling both ways so amazingly – 19 hours there and 22 back – though let’s face it, Changi Airport in Singapore having a soft play area was probably the best thing ever (for you). Any fears I had about how you’d get on were gone quickly – you got on with it, and I think that sums you up so well. You do just get on with things when you’re comfortable with them – be that school, swimming, football – even Rainbows will get there.

You have a wonderful sense of humour and you are a delight to be around. Please don’t change too much. I know you won’t be my little girl forever, but you are right now and I want to bottle it up and keep some for the future when you’ll grow up, when you become my little heartbreaker. You make me laugh, cry, you keep me puzzled, amused, confused, happy and proud. A wonderful mixture of everything, and I love you so much.

love,

mummy x