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Is my dad’s birthday. Except he’s not here. I live with that, I was there when he died, and our lives go on. Every week we talk about death with H so she can try to understand it a little bit better. The books are there and one day it will make some kind of sense.

Right now all she really understands is that today is her Grandad’s birthday, and she’ll never meet him because he’s dead. Those are just words though, not words she understands the meaning of.

We’re all okay with that.

Earlier we went to a party for one of H’s nursery friends, where she clung to me. There was a disco filled with all the tunes I heard at Devon Cliffs and more – and only by the end she really danced (Gangnam Style) – she really withdrew and whimpered and cried when the party games started. Fortunately one of her good friends was the same with his mum so we kind of stuck together trying to push our kids into the playing a bit more (and failing), then afterwards wondering if we’re pushing them too much and it’s actually what’s making this happen. Groan. I think that makes a conclusive ‘no party games’ kind of party for H this year – that’ll be soft play again then.

Of course afterwards she told me what a brilliant time she’d had and how much she’d enjoyed playing Musical Bumps. *headdesk*